Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
