doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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