How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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