dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Did I show you my penis last night?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
