Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
