i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize