I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
