how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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