I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
