I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
