Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
