I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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