I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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