made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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