I wish I only lived at night.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
