just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
