Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize