I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
