Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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