he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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