Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
