ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
