He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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