i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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