How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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