I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
