Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
that's an acceptable place to lick
then he tried to convert me to islam
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
