first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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