If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
