I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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