I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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