just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
