Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
