I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize