my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
