Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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