I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
