you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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