There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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