I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize