I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
