rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
