i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
