I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
