I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
