I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
