he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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