I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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