Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
