his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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