It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
