We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
