it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
