It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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