OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
