Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
