I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
