Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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