he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
