why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
