well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
