my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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