I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
