I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
