my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
