I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
